So - which ass-kicking boots do I buy?

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Let Your Ass Do the Talking

For a person afraid that wearing any sort of pattern will make me look like a clown, I have a very odd propensity for buying clothes with words written across the seat. It started years ago, when I was 18 visiting my friend Vicky in Phoenix and spotted a college student with ASU written across the rear end of her sweat pants. I was hooked right there on the 107 degree spot. Immediately following my trip Vicky sent me a pair and I wore those "Ass-U" pants until they were simply three letters holding together a bunch of cotton/poly blend holes.

And then, along came Juicy. Do I have to call it Juicy "Couture"? Because, my mad love for writing across the derriere aside, that is just not couture. The Juicy craze led to one of my favorite exchanges on Gilmore Girls:

Lorelai: Mom?
Emily: Were you asleep?
Lorelai: Uh... no.
Emily: Then why are you in your pajamas?
Lorelai: These aren't pajamas...
Emily: You wear that in public??
Lorelai: ... Hi mom, would you like to come in?
Emily: You have the word "juicy" on your rear end!
Lorelai: Well, if I'd known you were coming over I would have changed.
Emily: Into what? A brassiere with the word "tasty" on it?

Then buttocks-writing really hit the big time. And Victoria's Secret followed fast with its Pink line and my life has never been the same. When they have their big sale (now!) I am out the door like a shot picking up any pair of utterly adorable bottoms I can get my hand on with any variety of not-especially-clever word or phrase written across the rump. My most/least favorite is "Phi Beta Pink". And right now they are all on sale - in person, not so much online - for like $10. Get your boring, mute tush in there this minute!