Non-Whites Only

I was born in the wrong century.

Had I been born, say, 200 years ago, I would be described as "fair" or "porcelain-skinned" and prized for my beauty. Instead, I was born in the 1980s, and have been called "whitey" pretty much ever since.

As a result of being so pale, I have to avoid wearing certain colors for fear of looking washed out. I never really know what those colors are until I am getting dressed in the morning and realize I look like crap. But one thing I do know is that I must avoid wearing all white at all costs. And that's why I will pass on this adorable sundress.

It's also why I've never been to P. Diddy's East Hampton White Party.