Euphemistically Speaking

For various reasons -- let's say my hatred of the beach and the non-stop rain of late* -- I do not expect to put on a bathing suit ANY time soon. But if I did, I would like it to be this one ($29 for both pieces). I would also like to be this chick.

*While these are both valid reasons, I do admit that in this case, they are merely euphemisms for "my ass" and "my pasty white skin."