My pet dress

I love dogs. I really do. I think that the only thing missing from my life right now is a canine companion. (Ok, that's a lie. For my life to truly be complete I will also need the deed to a 2-bedroom duplex in Manhattan, a personal chef, and the ability to run a mile. But a dog would be a good start.)

I will admit that I am spoiled. I grew up with the greatest dog in the world. (Rest in peace, Mac.) I know you don't believe me, and you probably think your dog is the greatest dog in the world, but you're wrong. I mean, can your dog walk himself? Well, Mac could. And did. It was awesome. He was also a loyal friend, always taking my side in fights against my brother.

So after growing up with the best dog in the world, in a house in the suburbs with a big backyard, I am kind of spoiled. I would love to have a dog now, but in a 200-square-foot apartment in Manhattan, where I live alone and don't always spend that much time at home, it's just not quite the same. It's a lot harder to have a dog here. A LOT harder. (Even though every other person in this city seems to be able to manage it.) So as much as it saddens me (and it saddens me very, very much), I'm not getting a dog right now.

But I suppose I can look on the bright side. With the money I would have used for dog food and vet bills, I can buy dresses. Lots and lots of dresses.

P.S. If I ever did get a dog, however, I would NOT get a poodle. Poodles are the worst dogs EVER. For one thing, they are ugly. For another thing, they are the devil. (This is a true fact.) As a child, I was once bit by a poodle, and I know it was premeditated. All poodles do is spend their day plotting how to kill you, hoping you'll be too distracted by their ugliness to suspect a thing. But I know better. I have no qualms about exacting my revenge on the entire devilish breed. Even if someone I cared about got a poodle, I can't guarantee that I could hold myself back from trying to kill it every chance I got. Watch out, poodles.