Just Say No

As a rule, Amanda and I post only positive, sunshine-and-bubbles, cupcakes-with-sprinkles entries, but sometimes a stand must be taken against an item, no matter how negative it makes us sound. There are lives at stake.

NO to the bootee. NO to the summer scarf. And now, it is our moral duty to steer you away from these 'jeans.' No, these are not a prop from the SNL commercial for mom jeans. They are not part of some costume for a children's play - on mom jeans. Yes, they are faded, high-rise, capri jeans with pleats and a cuff! (We blame Katie Cruise.) Old Navy may be asking only $10, but that is how they hook you, like the after-school-special dope pusher with his freebie. Just say no.

Ode on a Grecian Urn

What does a Grecian earn? Probably more than me. I mean, flowing togas and crowns of laurels can't come cheap, right? Which is why I was pleasantly surprised to discover how to look adorably Grecian for just a few drachmae.

A couple of weeks ago, my friend Megan was wearing an awesome double headband of gold braid, much like in the picture above (edited because it does justice to neither Megan nor myself. And because I stole it. Economical!). I was shocked when she told me it was from Claire's. Alas, when I went to Claire's to get one for myself, the store didn't have any! A true Greek tragedy.

But my co-blogger was there to save the day. One quick trip to the trimming district (complete with requisite Project Runway-contestant sighting -- in this case, Austin Scarlett) and a series of text messages later, and Jayn was able to procure for me my own golden fleece (shown above). A yard of this gold braid wrapped twice around my head, with my hair pulled back in a messy bun -- goddess-like! If only my toga party days weren't behind me . . .

How Mighty White of Me

We all think our tastes are so unique. Surely no one possesses the same exact combination of interests we do. And then you sign onto Amazon.com and it offers suggestions of what you might like, based on previous visits, and you are horrified at how dead-on they are. (Sometimes you deny its recommendations are accurate, like when it says you would enjoy "Two and a Half Men" - but you know you are fooling only yourself.) I have loved peacoats since birth. OK, since my friend Mary Ann wore the one her brother got in the Navy. Imagine my horror when I learned that my love of the pea coat is shared by the entire white race. But this pea coat, this one is different, she pleaded. This one is unique! It comes in this awesomely regal purple, and it's got this great, low-slung belt, while still preserving a waist. With a 20% off coupon, it's only $56.

Unluckier Chick

Dear Sarah,

I know your life must just be insanity incarnate right now. Between showing us you're a good sport on SNL, cramming on current events, getting those orange streaks in your hair and planning that shotgun wedding, you have clearly not found the time to read Luckier. How else can you explain the $150,000 you spent on campaign clothes? Well, make time, Miss Moosie! What better way to show you understand whatever Joe it is we're celebrating this week (we've moved past Joe Sixpack, and have pretty much beat Joe the Plumber to death, or at least into such a stupor he can't remember to forget to show up for his appointments), than to peruse Luckier and snag yourself some deals.

I know you rationalized the huge bill by saying you needed to dress for many different climates. Well, I'd like to introduce you to a concept known as 'layering'. It is so well-known that my five-year-old put a t-shirt over pajamas last night and asked how I liked the 'layered effect.' Now, don't be offended - you can't possibly expect me to believe this is the first time someone has suggested that you could learn a lot from a five-year-old. Grab this sweater dress/coat for $25 and we'll all completely identify with you as one of us.

You betcha.

Booteelicious

On behalf of Jayn and myself, I would like to publicly announce that Luckier is boycotting the "bootee." I know Jayn has previously mentioned how ugly it is, but it's time we really took a stand. It's heinous. Stop trying to make us wear it, fashion magazines. It is the ugliest shoe ever and makes you look stupid, and if you wear it, we will hate you. Oh, and it's spelled stupidly. So there you go. Stand taken.

If you would like to adorn your feet with a shoe that is taller than a pump but reaches below mid-calf, and not look like an asshole, stick with the ankle boot. I will admit, I never quite know what to wear them with, but that doesn't stop me from wanting this one. I'll wear it underneath bootcut jeans and no one will ever see how cute the top is, but I'll know. AND I'll know it was $39! For suede boots! And most importantly, I won't be wearing a bootee. And you can't really put a price on that.

Get Your Freak Or Geek On

You know how you wish you could re-do high school? If you don't, stop reading right now, I have no use for you. The rest of you, you must watch Freaks and Geeks. I heart "Freaks and Geeks." It's really beyond that. Somehow I slipped over the line from like, past love, skipped right on through obsession, to that state where you begin to proselytize. I tell uninterested parties that they must, right this very second, sign on to Netflix, select it, and move it to the top of their queue.

F&G lets you re-do high school. If you're a chick, you re-do high school as Lindsay, a freak one day, a geek the next. And you do it all in your father's army jacket. I long ago raided my father's army gear, so I had to find a new for my Lindsay jacket. Here are two to choose from. With the code luckybreaks8 ,the shorter, less Lindsay one is $18. The longer one is $45.

Give Sleeves a Chance

There is simply no excuse for what I witnessed on my way home today: a tank top and scarf. If you're chilly - and since it's October, you well might be - consider wearing a shirt with sleeves. Sleeves are that part of a garment that encases your arms. And now that you know what sleeves are, I bet you will find if you open your drawer that you actually own some clothing with this incredibly functional feature! Now, sh0uld you not own any sleeved garments, and only in that dire circumstance, might I suggest you buy some sleevies. Anything but the scarf. It's all we are saying.

Smock On

I think this dress is just adorable - even if Esprit could not figure out how to accessorize it. A navy dress paired with all that black? I literally shuddered when I saw it. I am shuddering now as I type this entry. I am shuddering now as I read what I typed. And Amanda and I have sworn solemnly (the only way to swear) to each other that we will not be brainwashed into wearing that "bootie" - footwear that fails at being either a boot or a pump, but succeeds at being damn ugly. But the dress on its own, with your hand covering up those parts of the screen that offend the soul, it is sweet as can be, with its smocking around the neck and waist, and its fiber of completely indeterminate origin. $60.

Buffet Jacket

My teeny tiny friend Joy has something she calls 'buffet pants.' They are elastic-waisted pants she dons before hitting an all you can eat buffet. But what good are buffet pants, if you bust out of your jacket on the way out of the restaurant? With this adorable jacket though, fat chance! $22.80 (because $23 would be just outrageous).

Au natural

I'm like the opposite of one of those PETA people who throw paints on ladies wearing fur coats; I want to do the same to people wearing synthetic-leather shoes. I know it's wrong, and not very animal-friendly of me, but that's just the way I was raised. I just prefer things organic (as in, "of or from an organ").

Which is why I am so happy to present you with these gray suede kitten-heeled numbers. Target.com has a ton of cute fall shoes, but every time I find a pair I like, I am chagrined to learn that they are made of a "faux patent leather upper with thermoplastic rubber outsoles." But then I came across these, which claim to feature a "suede upper!" Ok, so they still have thermoplastic rubber outsoles, but at least it is real thermoplastic, not faux!

Ok, I'm off -- must go stock up on paint in time for Yom Kippur. Whoever came up with a holiday where leather shoes are patently (get it? Like patent leather!) not allowed must have been blowing the shofar a little too hard. (Just kidding, God! I totally heart you!)

Next Block: Bags?

It's no big news that living in NYC is insanely expensive, but there are some bargains to be found. Where else can you get a mani-pedi for $20? (BTW, when I asked how much for just the pedi, I was told $20, so it only made good economic sense to get both.) And, also for only $20, these Bruno Magli slingbacks from Bloomies. Yes, ok, they are used, I mean vintage, but they are awesome, from their topstitching platforminess to their stacked heels. There I was, literally walking down the street, when I walked right into a tag sale and right into these shoes, just my size, hardly worn, at least 30 years old. Now, maybe I was inspired by this weekend's inexplicable and disturbing obsession with "The Rachel Zoe Project," but the vintage aspect made them all the more desirable. And I am sure reusing shoes has reduced my carbon footprint by like 15%.

Now you may be asking yourself why I bothered to post this item, since these shoes are pretty much unavailable now that I bought the only pair for sale on the West 83rd Street sidewalk. No doubt it's because I am constantly trying to remind myself why I have chosen one of the most expensive cities in the world to live in while not working at one of the most lucrative jobs in the world. Cheap designer shoes that practically walk onto your feet seems like a damn good reason. Or, if I were running for vice president, a gosh darn good reason.