So - which ass-kicking boots do I buy?

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Sit This One Out

It's August. In New York City. So, it's what, 107 degrees? You know what would go awesome with my drippy cami, melted makeup and generally sour outlook? A bottle of icy cold diet pepsi? Nah. A personal cooling system? Huh-uh. An eight-foot long, smothering wool boa constricter wrapped around my neck? Hell, yeah! Bring it on.

The New York Times spotted this trend and attributed it to cold offices and subways. Flying in the face of this article is pure logic. Ignoring the fact that there is no evidence on record of the subway system ever dropping below 86 degrees, why are all the people in the article shown wearing scarves outside? Over a sundress? And, pressure points aside, are you really warmer by wearing just a scarf? It's like the whole vest conundrum. When has anyone ever said, "Dude, my torso is like ice, but my arms are perfectomundo. Where can I find myself some piece of apparel that will heat up my trunk while leaving my appendages exactly as they are?" If my father-in-law had seen the NYT piece, he would no doubt have bellowed, "Who I am for you?!" which loosely translates to "Do you mistake me for a recent immigrant who is easily fooled? I assure you, I am not."

You're cold in your office? I don't care. Bring a sweater. Keep it on the back of your chair, the way God intended. (Recent zoological expeditions have shown that the wheelie-bottomed Aero chair is in fact the natural habitat of the cardigan.) Buy this one. Or use the one you are already using at work, because even you have to admit that that summer scarf didn't do a damn thing inside. And anyway, it got all sweaty on the commute.

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