Citywide Health Alert!

NEWSFLASH: A disturbing affliction seems to have struck girls across this city: "Forgot-to-put-on-pants Syndrome." This very specific form of Alzheimer's seems to be particularly prevalent among the hipster community, leading experts to believe it may be caused by increased exposure to stupid hats.

"It can be very embarrassing for these young women," said a leading expert on the epidemic. "Obviously no one intends to wear a shirt like that as a dress. That would just be insane. Instead, it is done accidentally, due to sudden onset of FTPOP Syndrome. They just forget to put their pants on and walk out the house as if they are fully dressed." At right, Exhibits A and B.

Thankfully, a cure is available, said this very credible source, who wished to remain anonymous. "The answer is to buy more pants. Having a cute pair readily available at all times can help to fight the spread of this unfortunate condition." For maximum effect, 4 out of 5 doctors recommend gray skinny jeans, like this $40 pair from H&M.