Talking Ass Pants on the Cheap

It's the semi-annual sale at Victoria's Secret and words on your ass, otherwise known as the PINK line, are going wicked cheap. I have spent more time (and money) than I can afford, frankly, pondering my obsession with these derriere scribblings, and I just give up. Ditto with understanding why someone who dresses in an entirely muted palette chooses 'loungewear' in such insanely bright colors, sometimes festooned with gold and rhinestones. Possibly those colors are the secret to my ability to stay up so late - who could possibly sleep in the glare of hot pink and turquoise with gold lame writing and rhinestones?

I picked up this cute sleep tee for $10. It's almost muted, but it does have the hot pink and the words, albeit not on the ass. Plus, as someone who leaves Manhattan once every six months, and then only head to Queens to hop a plane some other large city, the expression "nature lover" really makes me laugh. I mean, I'm annoyed by the stupid ginko trees, 2 to a block, and how they dare drop their 7 measly pods once a year, cluttering our sidewalks.

And of course, there are the talking ass pants ($16).

Oh, I understand that you can also pick up other things at the sale - crazy good deals on bras, panties, pj's etc, without words emblazoned on them. I don't know why a person would want those, but, to each his own.

(Oooh) Growing Up

I recently realized that a friend of mine goes everywhere dressed as if she is attending a bar mitzvah (or bat mitzvah, to be fair). I myself arrive at the same event looking as if I have come to clean your garage, and possibly your gutters, time permitting. OK, I exaggerate slightly (at least about my style), but I am a casual chick, in love with my jeans and cords.

I resent any event that demands a skirt, possibly out of a childish "you're not the boss of me" attitude, but more likely due to a skirt dress code imposed on me throughout my formative years. Today I was supposed to attend an event in a skirt, but I found a way to weasel out of going altogether. Had I had this $37.50(from $128!) suede skirt though, I feel certain I would have behaved like the adult I ostensibly am, put it on, and actually shown up, if not grown up.

Boot Up

I love these boots, only $67 (coupons, my friends), but I can't decide which color. Buying either would be insane, since, as I've mentioned, there is currently no room for the boots I already own (physically, that is - emotionally I can love each and every pair I bring home limitlessly - I am like Angelina Jolie that way. And in that way only).

Of course, I did notice the other day that one pair in my closet, with a non-replaceable, rubber sole, has a hole in the heel. So I could possibly send those boots to live on a farm upstate, where they could run free with other beloved, but tired, soles.

Sock On

I have 15 pair of boots. Ironically, because I have so many boots in my closet (there is some spillover when I am just too lazy to wedge them into the one unique configuration, including 2 pair jammed on an amp, that provides them all shelter), I don't have room for both snow boots and rain boots. Amanda turned me on to these awesome fleece boot socks for only $8, which convert my awesomely cool rain boots into awesomely toasty snow boots. When I got home yesterday from the city's first snow, for once I was not walking on stumpy ice feet and badly in need of a cup of Godiva cocoa. So there is that downside.

Health Warning Unheeded

I am growing concerned that the general population has not taken the earlier warning on 'forgot to put on pants syndrome' as seriously as it warrants. Very recently I met up with some colleagues and was horrified to find that one had shown up in a cute shirt and leggings. I hope she did not notice as I stared intently at her nearly naked bottom half while moving slowly, but deliberately, across the room from her. I cannot risk catching this illness - it's cookie season, the worst possible time to catch it - and exposing my nearly naked ass to the scrutiny of the world.

Please! Inoculate yourself immediately. Pick up any of the following bargains and slip them over your legs and ass ASAP. If you have a balance in your flexible spending account, consider charging in these pants as they are a prophylactic purchase.

$14.50 cords - take with breakfast and don't take off all day.

These $32 velvet pants are prescribed for the times you would ordinarily choose 'formal leggings.' They are named "Lindsay." Hmmmm. Snark at Ann Taylor?

The cute back pockets on this pair of jeans ($44) provides you extra protection against FTPOPS .

What Could Have Been

Were my firm's holiday party not being held in the cafeteria, and were I actually going (which I'm not, because it's being held in the cafeteria), I think these earrings would have looked lovely with the new dress I would have bought.

Only $15 - and made of genuine gold plate and amethyst glass (huh?).

Every Step They Take

I have loved these shoes from afar for months. I have ogled them online, walked by their store and casually glanced in their direction, never quite looking them in the eye, and called them on the phone but hung up quickly when they answered. And now, after all my patient stalking, it may finally be time for me to make my move. With an additional 15% off they are $60.

Please, be a good soul and do not share my confession with any of the 3 pair of brown boots that essentially serve the same purpose these pumps would. The heart wants what the heart wants.

Gift Your Feet Cozy

I thought these PINK (Victoria's Secret) slippers would be a nifty little gift to give my aunt at the family Chanukah party. When I found out they were half off, only $7.25, well I thought they'd make this someone a nice gift as well. Kind of a gift to me for being nice enough to get a gift for someone else. And as a gift to me for being nice enough to get a gift for myself, they included a free pair of their 'limited edition' (but not 'collectible') PINK undies.
FYI, their site does not seem to offer the discount or the limited edition unmentionables.

Sore Spots

I have a shirt just like this one. I loved it. Right up until the day last week it was washed in the same machine, apparently, in which some thoughtful person had washed his or her whites. With bleach. Take my word for it, this top looks much nicer without faded brown spots all around the neck and across the back. I tried that Sharpie trick and it worked pretty well. I intend to wear this top the very next time I am invited to a dimly lit meeting attended by people with very poor eyesight, all of whom have chosen to leave their glasses - and contacts - home. I am invited to so many meetings of that ilk.

Right now with a Luxe card, I can replace my top for only $19. But why would I? I mean, it's just so much improved this way.

Mida Keneged Mida

This is where being a good person pays off. I met this Kenneth Cole coat over the weekend when it was $99. It seemed wistfully lonely and, righteous woman that I am, I went back to visit it tonight, to bring it some holiday cheer. And, wouldn't you know it, the coat paid it forward, offering me a 30% discount plus another 20% off.

Trust me, this coat is so much cuter in black. And for only $56, it's downright adorable .