Red Alert

We would be remiss in our duties if we did not alert you to this exciting event:


You know we'll be there.

Lookin' Good, Mr. Kot-ter

Not nearly as well-documented, but certainly as powerful, as my love of the seventies is my love of the sitcom. So you can imagine how I love me my seventies sitoms. I regularly watch Mary Tyler Moore, Bob Newhart, Good Times. And I looove Rockford, which I know is not a sitcom, but, come on - it's Jim Rockford.


As a young child in the seventies, I was not allowed to watch certain, very popular shows. One might have thought it was because their language was crass. In fact, it was my mother who employed the crass language, labeling certain shows as "CRAP!" and therefore utterly out of bounds. First and foremost on the list of programs that would destroy my mind was "Welcome Back, Kotter," a show so "CRAP!" that I cannot bear to watch it even now, when I should be reveling in my freedom as an adult to break all the rules imposed upon me by utterly unfair parents (this rebellious attitude explains my close relationship with every sugared cereal ever created, including, but not limited to, Mr. T peanut butter cereal).

Regardless, the phrase, "lookin' good, Mr. Kotter" came to mind as soon as I saw these corduroys and I had to make them mine - as must you! OK, astute fans of the sitcom genre will recognize that quote from "Friends." (Oh my god, it is amazing there is room left in my brain to balance my checkbook. Ha ha ha, I make myself laugh with the claim that I balance my checkbook. Hee hee.)

Cardi On

So when I showed this drapey cardigan style to Amanda, she asked, "why not just wrap yourself in a blanket?" Well, clearly because a blanket might slide down your arms to the floor. Plus it might be a dead giveaway to your coworkers that you were planning just the tiniest of power naps at your desk, you know, to enable you to add more value, to help you bring more to the table. Plus with all her talk about the crazy headgear her fellow east village residents favor, any day now she is bound to spot some sort of hat that resembles a nice, downy pillow. And when she does, just watch out - - my productivity will skyrocket.

A Place for Everything

One of the things that makes NYC NYC is what you can buy there and where you buy it. Need a floral arrangement shaped like a native American headpiece? Head on over to the flower district. Need trimming for a Sacajawea costume? Next stop, the trimming district. Broke the foot on your sewing machine applying said native American-type trimming? Sashay on over to the sewing machine parts district. (It does does so exist!)

Truthfully much of NYC has undergone a mall-ification and there are fewer and fewer specialty districts and more and more - - well, banks, but also - - Claire's Accessories. But this past weekend when I headed down to Orchard Street I was thrilled to find the old leather jacket district I remembered. Stores up and down the street are crammed with literally thousands and thousands of every style of leather jacket and coat you could ever want, and of course many you would not want. No ambiance. No brand names. But every jacket was $90! So much luckier than buying some brand at some department store for four times that price. And the salesperson even knew exactly what I was talking about ("You mean you want a jacket like Shaft wore?"). It was so hard to choose, but in the end I bought this glazed leather jacket. And when the weather actually cools enough to warrant a jacket, I am planning to go back for a $90, fully lined, leather coat, ala Shaft. Because I am a bad mother. Just ask my kids.

Citywide Health Alert!

NEWSFLASH: A disturbing affliction seems to have struck girls across this city: "Forgot-to-put-on-pants Syndrome." This very specific form of Alzheimer's seems to be particularly prevalent among the hipster community, leading experts to believe it may be caused by increased exposure to stupid hats.

"It can be very embarrassing for these young women," said a leading expert on the epidemic. "Obviously no one intends to wear a shirt like that as a dress. That would just be insane. Instead, it is done accidentally, due to sudden onset of FTPOP Syndrome. They just forget to put their pants on and walk out the house as if they are fully dressed." At right, Exhibits A and B.

Thankfully, a cure is available, said this very credible source, who wished to remain anonymous. "The answer is to buy more pants. Having a cute pair readily available at all times can help to fight the spread of this unfortunate condition." For maximum effect, 4 out of 5 doctors recommend gray skinny jeans, like this $40 pair from H&M.

One Day at a Time

Do you hear that sobbing? Sometimes it's more of a keening wail. That is my shirt drawer. It already contains at least 7 more shirts than physically possible, but it just knows that I am out trawling for more. And so help it, it is right. I am like an addict. Is there a 12-step program? But first I'd have to hit rock bottom, before I can really commit to turning myself around. And, so help me, until that drawer actually spontaneously explodes, hurling cherry wood veneer splinters six feet into the air, I will continue to purchase cute knit tops at $9.99 and jam them in as tight as possible (and then wonder why each and every one requires ironing, or at least squinting hard enough at the mirror that the wrinkles hardly show).

Step 1: We admit that we are powerless over adorable, affordably priced knits - that our drawers, closets and blanket chests have become unclosable.

You're Welcome

We are so very helpful. Remember how we brought you the elusive "day-into-night" shirt, the shirt that we all thought was the sartorial equivalent of Sasquatch? Well, here is - - insert sound of banner-strung-trumpets here - - the just as elusive summer-into-fall skirt. While I am still partial to a low-slung skirt, because I am the shortest waisted person on the island of Manhattan and possibly across all five boroughs, I really like this high-waisted alternative. Notice how it does turn the model into a pair of breasts resting directly on her waist? I suppose that could have something to do with her being 6'2" and weighing 87 pounds, but, ever the optimist, I expect that this would be a very flattering skirt on pretty much anyone. The cotton knit makes it perfect for both seasons.

And at $50, it's 72% off (sometimes if a price sounds slightly too high, we have to resort to percentage discounted to seal the deal. But you already employ that trick, don't you? You're no fool).