So - which ass-kicking boots do I buy?

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Stop the Insanity

I went to parochial school for 10 years, and I am fairly certain one of the commandments is 'Allow not false fitness claims to lead you into the world of incredibly hideous footwear.' I bring up this commandment, that was inexplicably overlooked when the top ten list was compiled, because the advent of the 'fit flop' seems to have led many astray from this incredibly obvious mandate. You know this shoe - it's a flip flop with a thick, orthopedic looking white sole and leather upper (or patent leather, or even, shudder, sequined, or even these monsters, that I am nearly 100% certain my grandfather wore while washing his beloved Oldsmobile, and while I'm all for nostalgic shopping, that is really taking it too far) and its manufacturer claims that just wearing the shoe is like working out. As if toned legs and an improved cardiovascular system were worth dressing your feet like dorks.

And yet, everywhere I look, this is what people are wearing! How do you explain this? The other day my friend was wearing them, so I asked her, "Is it true that, like the site says, you can 'get in shape without setting foot in a gym?'" And, in a moment that's had me laughing all week, she gestured to her belly and said, "What do you think?!"

Instead, I beg of you, buy these flip flops for $8 (you can by 7 pair and still save $4 over the price of one pair of fit flops). True, you won't believe you are getting a workout, but at least you'll be able to look at your feet without feeling you have betrayed them.

Or, for the love of all that is cute, choose these sandals. True, you can only get 4 pair of these for the price of the fit flops, but surely cute footwear has some inherent health benefits.

1 comment:

floretbroccoli said...

How did you manage to write this longish post without using the word "thong"?