UnLucky

Lucky is no longer. Oh, sure, it exists, but it is no longer Lucky. Now it's some other store entirely. Some store selling basic, Gap-like tanks in a variety of bright hues, tied up with twine in cute little bundles, at two-fer prices. The store is clean and bright and has big displays with pictures of freshly scrubbed 18-year-olds wearing boring American Eagley clothes. Who wants that? Maybe freshly scrubbed 18-year olds. Who need multiple tanks.


As you can imagine, this situation has inspired quite the identity crisis in me. Where will I buy my Stevie Nicks floor length velvet coats, for hanging out with the stoners? Who will crochet me granny-square scarves? Am I to cobble my own giant clogs with studs or pre-distresesd motorcycle boots (for wearing on the subway, of course)? These are some of the very many questions Lucky, and its new parent company, Liz Claiborne, have left me with.

I conferred with the two managers (who no doubt were preparing to act as bouncers, should I reach the hysterical state I seemed to be working myself into) at my local Lucky store, and learned that, for now, the accessories were still from the old, Gene-and-Barry, long-live-rock-n-roll Lucky. So, I bought these $54 shoes as one last hurrah (and possibly some earrings... and a set of bracelets). With a 5 inch heel they make me hugely tall and vaguely menacing. Should be very helpful the next time I run into Tim Gunn in my neighborhood and proceed to take him to task for destroying my store. No doubt I'll be asked to remove them for the mugshot and/or visit with the court-appointed psychiatrist (I do hope it's B.D. Wong).

Shoe Me the Money

I may have mentioned this before, but periodically Amanda needs to remind me that I am not, in fact, Sheryl Crow. You would think the lack of royalty checks would tip me off. I'm not that clever. But clever enough to find these for $35.

The Hoser Hut

In New York City, people don't have lawns. But that doesn't seem to stop people from watering the land right outside their front door. It is not clear to me WHY people stand outside, drenching the sidewalk with a garden hose every single morning, but it happens. And the resulting puddles can reach havoc on my black suede ballet flats. Since the dirty looks I give these urban gardeners as I daintily tiptoe through the marshy sidewalk, trying to keep as much of the delicate suede out of the water as possible, don't seem to be having an effect, I am forced to search for an alternate footwear option. I'm thinking these. $27.99 and free shipping -- that is, if the mailman is willing to wade through the flood outside my front door.

Teal Crazy (After All These Years)

Mostly when I go for that 'pop of color' it's a hint of charcoal gray topping off an all black outfit. But periodically I have a "chicks gone wild" moment, and impulsively buy an item of color. It's doubtful that item will ever get worn, of course, so it's best if I indulge in this utter madness on the cheap, like these teal peep toes for $15.

Wedding Crashers

So, remember those shoes I ordered for the wedding I'm going to? Gotcha! Trick question! I didn't actually order them. You thought I did though, didn't you? Well, so did I. But it seems like I forgot to press that very last confirmation button. Surely it can't be for lack of experience in online ordering...


So, there I was, with no shoes. And then I lost my watch. Not my everyday watch, but my fancy schmancy watch that will cost a pretty penny to replace. So, feeling rushed and pretty cash-poor, I stopped in at my local Payless, and there they were - $15 pewter wedding shoes! Now, frankly, it's quite possible that there will be a checkpoint at the entrance to the exclusive town in which this wedding is being held and I won't be allowed through, what with the shoes being so cheap and my having to wear a swatch. It is a risk I'm more than willing to take.

It figures

I have been searching for the perfect affordable summer flats for weeks. I've pored over thousands of web sites, made trips to hundreds of shoe stores, and tried on dozens of different pairs. I sent Jayn countless e-mails, texts and IMs asking, "What do you think of these?" I lost sleep night after night, tossing and turning and debating the merits of slingbacks vs. huaraches.

So it makes sense that once I gave up my search for shoes I could afford and forked over $80 for a pair that I would come across these. $15. Old Navy. Perfect.

Wedding Sells

As you are aware, I have been invited to a wedding. I have officially selected my dress, (by which I mean, I purchased five dresses, selected the priciest dress and returned the other four - and yes, that is a productive use of my spare time) and now the search for accessories is underway at full throttle.

I completely intended to wear shoes I already have, but then, well.... even I can't rationalize purchasing new shoes. Then I saw these shoes below and they go so well with the jewelry I plan to wear (by which I mean, I have purchased and not yet returned), and they are only $40. They are the perfect height - while I could dance in them, they are also high enough that I can claim I can't, should I not be in the mood to dance in endless circles in a dance step all the other women learned earlier in their lives, but that I somehow missed entirely. And they'll be so useful - I mean, can't you see me wearing these at work? To the beach? On my daily, sometimes twice-daily, trip to the Food Emporium? There! That was a decent rationalization

oh, and to get free shipping, isn't this an awesome little clutch? you know, to get free shipping.

Portuguese Shoe o' War

I bought these in pink a couple of weeks ago, when they were $20 and this sea foam green pair (the brand calls them "turquoise," though I disagree -- however, Jayn has become somewhat of an expert on the color turquoise, so I will leave it to her to cast the deciding vote) was $40. But now the sea foam green is on sale for $24.99! Which leaves me to wonder, do I need this pair, as well?

I'm pretty sure I do, and so do you, and here's why. While they look light and summery, they are actually quite well-suited for the never-ending monsoon that has taken residence in the skies above New York City. For one thing, they're not leather -- excuse me, they are 100% synthetic patent leather -- so you don't have to worry about them getting ruined in the rain like leather would, nor do they really get soaked like fabric does. And that cute little wedge heel lifts you up just high enough to avoid soaking your feet in the shallow puddles that are EVERYWHERE. (Save the really big puddles for your Hunters.) 

Plus they're named Lisbon, for a city which, Wikipedia tells me, has one of the mildest climates in Europe, complete with sunny and dry summers. That is certainly something worth celebrating, particularly by immortalization in shoe-form.

Stomp!

It's been a crappy day. And what tops off a crappy day better than anything else? An evening on a crowded subway. I kid you not. A crowded subway can be the perfect place to take out your anger on perfect strangers (before coming home to your loved ones - and taking it out on them). A nice passive aggressive move is smashing a stranger's foot on your way out the door after he has body-slammed you with his backpack. Sigh, I wish I were kidding.

Ahhhh, these $50 shoes shall do the job nicely. Plus, I'm fairly certain I wore them in middle school.

Rack 'em Up

Amanda turned me on to this awesome shoe rack that holds 36 pair. Who has 36 pair of shoes? Not me. Not yet. But, if nothing else, I am a goal-setter. I define an objective, set a deadline, develop some milestones and checkpoints along the way, ramp up my steep learning curve, and hit the ground running. What? Do you not speak consulting-ese?

Let me put it more simply. Buy these sandals for $42.50.

Flowered Dress: The Saga

I am obsessed with this dress.

I'm not sure why -- I have a sneaky suspicion that it will look TERRIBLE in person. But nonetheless, I have decided that I need it. However, it's not available in any of the Ann Taylor LOFT stores around here, so I have to order it from the site and can't try it on. I figured I can just return it to a store if I don't like it, but I don't want to be out the cost of shipping if that happens, so I need a free shipping coupon code. The only one I could find (free shipping + 15% off!) required a $75 minimum purchase. After getting this dress in 2 different sizes (at $29.99 each), it still wasn't enough, so I had to order another dress to get my order high enough for free shipping (+15% off!).

I'm still not sure either size of the first dress will fit. So when I went back to the site today and saw that they suddenly had it another size that could maybe possibly fit (I'm super-weird when it comes to dress sizes), I of course had to order that one, too. But how to get this new order up to $75? Well, these shoes.
And this belt.

So to recap: One dress in 3 different sizes. Another dress. A pair of shoes. A belt. The things I'll do for a coupon code.

Of course, I may still wind up returning ALL of it. Stay tuned for the next chapter . . .

Now on the Center Stage - Tina

As a young child, I refused the nickname "Jaynie." It lacked dignity. Instead I longed for the more elegant "Tina" or "Bubbles." Apparently, I had big plans to be an exotic dancer (we called them strippers back then).

These shoes are called Tina. As such, they are rightfully mine. I'll pass on the coordinating pasties.

Right Here is Where You Start Paying... in Sweat

I love these multi-textured, gray, t-strap shoes. They look like some kind of dance shoes. Like something you might wear with a swirly skirt. Dancing on the lunchroom table with all your friends. In the new version of Fame. When are they going to call me and tell me which part I am playing (please let it be Coco, please let it be Coco!)?

$80, from $148, on the Anthropologie site, but $40 in the store (and they'll give you 20% off that because the nubuck scuffs easily).

Godspeed

My toes are tired of being hidden away inside my shoes. They are longing to break free, perhaps in these metallic peep-toe flats. I'm loving the ankle strap. They're $24, but if you're quick, you can use coupon code "645" (expires at midnight tonight) for an extra 25% off.

The choice is yours

There are two ways to get a good deal on these pretty ballet flats.

Option 1) Get a job in advertising, convince your client that you need to have a photo shoot to collect assets for their brand, coincidentally have the wardrobe department bring these shoes (in your size, of course) and have one of the actors at the shoot wear them, thus ensuring that they can't be returned and that you, as the account person managing the shoot and the only one with big enough feet to fit into them, get to keep them. This is the route I took.

Option 2) Go to Old Navy and buy them. They're only $19.50.

Every Step They Take

I have loved these shoes from afar for months. I have ogled them online, walked by their store and casually glanced in their direction, never quite looking them in the eye, and called them on the phone but hung up quickly when they answered. And now, after all my patient stalking, it may finally be time for me to make my move. With an additional 15% off they are $60.

Please, be a good soul and do not share my confession with any of the 3 pair of brown boots that essentially serve the same purpose these pumps would. The heart wants what the heart wants.

Open (Salad) Bar

This is not the year of the holiday party. I know I was not the only one who noticed the great irony, or possibly the desperation, of Ann Taylor's recent campaign, "There will be parties." No, there will not be parties. Or if there are parties, they will be on a much smaller scale. This year, for example, my company's party will be held in the cafeteria. Former locations have included the ballroom at the Waldorf, the Temple of Dendur at the Metropolitan Museum, the main branch of the New York Public Library. But, really - not one of those venues offered those salads where you pick 17 ingredients and the man behind the counter tosses them all together for you (what makes those taste so good? the aforementioned 17 ingredients?).

Even for a party in the caf, you need to look good. But, as befitting a party at which where you have to tug each paper napkin one by one from the 4 foot tall dispenser, asking yourself with each pull, "Do I really need all these napkins? Am I singlehandedly killing the planet?" you have to do it on the cheap. $21 oughta do it.

I'm Too Tired to Come Up with A Title for this Entry

I once worked on a project at Nine West. It was located at - surprise - 9 West Street. I am hoping there wasn't a huge amount of cash dropped reaching that branding decision. They told me that the company names the shoes after people they know (again, I hope some brand management firm was not engaged to make that decision). They even promised to name a style after me. To the best of my knowledge they have not. But, I don't hold that against them. Much.

But I can put that grudge behind me, at least temporarily, to purchase these awesome shoes I have been watching for quite a while. They are $48, with free shipping. Let's call them "Jayn" and heal my apparently still raw wound.

Because I want to spare my cousin the pain and suffering of not having a shoesake, I am hereby naming these $32 dollar beauties "Amanda". They come in awesome colors like purple, teal, and brown patent.

Friendly Fire

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try to spread the gospel of what is both cute and affordable, our advice goes unheeded. Our warnings are ignored. Our good intentions go to waste. And, dear readers, we are here to tell you, you are only hurting yourselves.

Take, for example, my dear friend Hillary. Normally a chick of exceptional taste (not to mention sparkling wit and gracious hospitality), she ignored our stand on the bootee and went out and bought one anyway. Even worse -- she bought two! One for each foot! Didn't she read the part where we said we would hate her as a result??

So I suppose now I am forced to stand by my principles and hate her. But that makes me sad. Maybe I could try to look at things from Hillary's point of view. You know, walk a mile in her shoes. Except -- then I would have to wear bootees! And walk a mile!

But . . . isn't friendship [just barely] more important than footwear? If the Luckier Chicks can teach you only one thing, let it be that crucial tenet. So clearly my only option is to overlook this little oversight -- whilst wearing my own shoes. Probably these.

Au natural

I'm like the opposite of one of those PETA people who throw paints on ladies wearing fur coats; I want to do the same to people wearing synthetic-leather shoes. I know it's wrong, and not very animal-friendly of me, but that's just the way I was raised. I just prefer things organic (as in, "of or from an organ").

Which is why I am so happy to present you with these gray suede kitten-heeled numbers. Target.com has a ton of cute fall shoes, but every time I find a pair I like, I am chagrined to learn that they are made of a "faux patent leather upper with thermoplastic rubber outsoles." But then I came across these, which claim to feature a "suede upper!" Ok, so they still have thermoplastic rubber outsoles, but at least it is real thermoplastic, not faux!

Ok, I'm off -- must go stock up on paint in time for Yom Kippur. Whoever came up with a holiday where leather shoes are patently (get it? Like patent leather!) not allowed must have been blowing the shofar a little too hard. (Just kidding, God! I totally heart you!)