My pet dress

I love dogs. I really do. I think that the only thing missing from my life right now is a canine companion. (Ok, that's a lie. For my life to truly be complete I will also need the deed to a 2-bedroom duplex in Manhattan, a personal chef, and the ability to run a mile. But a dog would be a good start.)

I will admit that I am spoiled. I grew up with the greatest dog in the world. (Rest in peace, Mac.) I know you don't believe me, and you probably think your dog is the greatest dog in the world, but you're wrong. I mean, can your dog walk himself? Well, Mac could. And did. It was awesome. He was also a loyal friend, always taking my side in fights against my brother.

So after growing up with the best dog in the world, in a house in the suburbs with a big backyard, I am kind of spoiled. I would love to have a dog now, but in a 200-square-foot apartment in Manhattan, where I live alone and don't always spend that much time at home, it's just not quite the same. It's a lot harder to have a dog here. A LOT harder. (Even though every other person in this city seems to be able to manage it.) So as much as it saddens me (and it saddens me very, very much), I'm not getting a dog right now.

But I suppose I can look on the bright side. With the money I would have used for dog food and vet bills, I can buy dresses. Lots and lots of dresses.

P.S. If I ever did get a dog, however, I would NOT get a poodle. Poodles are the worst dogs EVER. For one thing, they are ugly. For another thing, they are the devil. (This is a true fact.) As a child, I was once bit by a poodle, and I know it was premeditated. All poodles do is spend their day plotting how to kill you, hoping you'll be too distracted by their ugliness to suspect a thing. But I know better. I have no qualms about exacting my revenge on the entire devilish breed. Even if someone I cared about got a poodle, I can't guarantee that I could hold myself back from trying to kill it every chance I got. Watch out, poodles.

Everything in moderation

Hello. I'm back again from another hiatus. I was dealing with some career issues. (They in no way prevented me from blogging, but I did have to deal with them, and I will pretend the relationship was causal.)

So what brought me back? Well, I was pondering one of life's important questions: how many black dresses is too many?

It's a difficult question, and one that requires consideration of many factors before determining the answer. For instance, does this question apply only 

to ALL-black dresses? What about, say, black dresses with white stripes, or with pink flowers? What about trim? And seasonality? Sleeve length? Skirt length? Material?

As you see, there are many, many points of differentiation that can set one black dress apart from another. Which makes me realize that this one is VERY different than the 15 I already own. I don't have a knee-length black dress with long sleeves, a tie at the waist AND pin-tucking trim at the bust!

But I will soon. $32, + 25% off this weekend.

You Deserve a Break Today

You know what the best feature of this short dress/long shirt/normal-length tunic is? The flowy-flowy sleeves. Not because they're so pretty - and they are - but because they force you to become the woman of leisure you were meant to be. You can't cook - the sleeves will catch fire. You can't clean - the sleeves will drag through the cleansers. You can't help small children with art projects, you'll smear the masterpiece. You can, however, sit back and watch your latest netflix, with a diet coke in one hand, the remote in the other hand, and a cupcake on a saucer balanced on your knees.

Wedding Favor

Amanda had a wedding to go to this past weekend, so of course she was shopping around for just the right dress to wear. And, as the good cousin and co-blogger that I am, I sympathetically began shopping for a dress for me to wear. To the wedding. To which I was not invited. That has now already occurred.
So far I've landed on this ABS dress, $60 from $229. And he best thing about a wedding that already happened, to which you weren't invited, is that you can keep buying dresses for it. And I will. Family means that much to me.

Stripe a Bargain

I haven't really bought into the whole stripes look we are supposed to be embracing. I think it's a combination of its being too '80's-reliving, too hip- and bust-enhancing, and too headache-inducing. But, yet, I love this dress ($20 from $130). It's very now, very Lilo, but with enough length that you don't have to worry that you'll end up on TMZ for giving the world a peek at your lady bits (I don't know about you, but this is a constant concern of mine).

That's Toile, Folks

I see all these nice black and white toile bedroom accessories, but I really can't head down that path, not so soon after converting my bedroom to its current chocolate brown theme. Doing so would make my apartment view me as flighty and indulgent (today's use of the term 'indulgent' is brought to you by American Idol). I can however indulge in this $25 dress, and, with luck, get this toile envy out of my system.

Flowered Dress: The Saga

I am obsessed with this dress.

I'm not sure why -- I have a sneaky suspicion that it will look TERRIBLE in person. But nonetheless, I have decided that I need it. However, it's not available in any of the Ann Taylor LOFT stores around here, so I have to order it from the site and can't try it on. I figured I can just return it to a store if I don't like it, but I don't want to be out the cost of shipping if that happens, so I need a free shipping coupon code. The only one I could find (free shipping + 15% off!) required a $75 minimum purchase. After getting this dress in 2 different sizes (at $29.99 each), it still wasn't enough, so I had to order another dress to get my order high enough for free shipping (+15% off!).

I'm still not sure either size of the first dress will fit. So when I went back to the site today and saw that they suddenly had it another size that could maybe possibly fit (I'm super-weird when it comes to dress sizes), I of course had to order that one, too. But how to get this new order up to $75? Well, these shoes.
And this belt.

So to recap: One dress in 3 different sizes. Another dress. A pair of shoes. A belt. The things I'll do for a coupon code.

Of course, I may still wind up returning ALL of it. Stay tuned for the next chapter . . .

Bold and the Beautiful

It's officially spring, and New York City is embracing a bright new color palette. See Exhibit 1 ($48):

Happy Couple (of Dresses)

As Jayn has recently observed (quite astutely), I'm kind of obsessed with wedding registries. It's true -- while getting married is of no immediate concern to me, I fantasize about registering for gifts. Picking out a whole long list of things other people then have to buy for you? What more could anyone want?

However, the whole thing is kind of unfair to single people, when you think about it. Do only married people deserve to have fancy kitchen appliances and nice linens? I think not; as an avid baker and sleeper, I deserve kitchen gadgets and linens, too. But with no wedding on the horizon (and let me be clear, I am just fine with that) I am forced to acquire them the old-fashioned way: buying them for myself (for the most part -- thanks Mom!).

So what will happen when (if) I do someday get married? I'm clearly still going to expect presents. But what will I have left to register for? I'm thinking clothes, like maybe these colorful H&M dresses -- or whatever the equivalent style is 50 years from now.

Summer Sooner

If you are looking for someone to blame, it's me. For a couple of days it was warmer here. And then I took my eyes off the prize and we slipped immediately back into winter. I admit it, I lost focus, and for that I apologize. It won't happen again. I am back on track. Starting with this $37 dress, I will dedicate my considerable, caffeine-powered, telekinetic focus entirely to bringing on summer. With only a brief break to focus on getting some Magnolia cupcakes to float their way up Columbus. Chocolate. With pink icing.

Credit Where Credit Is Due

I am about to come into some Old Navy store credit. Though the actual amount remains unknown until the reading of the will (or until the cashier tells me if I will get the full value for these items returned without a receipt), I am nonetheless very excited for this imminent windfall and am spending some time thinking about how I will spend it. Knowing me, it will go to fill my closet with yet more summer dresses that I can only dream about wearing at the moment. Possibly one of these.

Loving the 80s-ness of this one. I think I had the same dress as a small child.

They say maxi dresses are going to be in this summer. So naturally, I need one in black (to complete my collection of black sleeveless dresses at every length).

This one's in Cyclamen -- my favorite birth control/color!

Of course, it will probably turn out that only have enough for these $3.50 flip-flops. But as far as inheritances go, it could be worse. At least I won't have to pay taxes.

Party Off

I loved this dress when it first came out, at $78. It looked perfect for a nice holiday party. But as we all know, my firm's holiday party was not going to be nice, located as it was in the cafeteria, where this dress would be a little out of place, next to the 10 gallon ketchup pump. My guess is my firm was not the only one to scale back on holiday parties, and this dress just did not sell... and now it is only $25. It really is adorable and since it's silk and cotton, wouldn't it be a cute dress to wear in the summer? Or maybe if you were heading down to Florida, in say a week or two, you could wear it there.

And, to keep you all up-to-date, my holiday party was canceled due to snow. What a disappointment.

Learn From My Mistake

This dress is $11.50. $11.50, ___ (insert "yo," "dude" or "man" according to your self-perceived age group)! I bought myself pretty much this exact same dress by ABS for $69. And I thought that was a bargain, marked down from $240. I paid exactly 6 times what this dress costs. Yes, there is no band at the neck like there is on mine, but had I seen the two dresses side by side, I am preeeetty certain I would not have opted to pay an extra $57.50 for that band. You could buy a dress in every one of the four colors it comes in, and still not pay what I paid for one. Of course, people would talk about you behind your back as that weird woman who keeps wearing that same dress in a bunch of different colors. Maybe you would like that, though, what do I know?

Unluckier Chick

Dear Sarah,

I know your life must just be insanity incarnate right now. Between showing us you're a good sport on SNL, cramming on current events, getting those orange streaks in your hair and planning that shotgun wedding, you have clearly not found the time to read Luckier. How else can you explain the $150,000 you spent on campaign clothes? Well, make time, Miss Moosie! What better way to show you understand whatever Joe it is we're celebrating this week (we've moved past Joe Sixpack, and have pretty much beat Joe the Plumber to death, or at least into such a stupor he can't remember to forget to show up for his appointments), than to peruse Luckier and snag yourself some deals.

I know you rationalized the huge bill by saying you needed to dress for many different climates. Well, I'd like to introduce you to a concept known as 'layering'. It is so well-known that my five-year-old put a t-shirt over pajamas last night and asked how I liked the 'layered effect.' Now, don't be offended - you can't possibly expect me to believe this is the first time someone has suggested that you could learn a lot from a five-year-old. Grab this sweater dress/coat for $25 and we'll all completely identify with you as one of us.

You betcha.

Smock On

I think this dress is just adorable - even if Esprit could not figure out how to accessorize it. A navy dress paired with all that black? I literally shuddered when I saw it. I am shuddering now as I type this entry. I am shuddering now as I read what I typed. And Amanda and I have sworn solemnly (the only way to swear) to each other that we will not be brainwashed into wearing that "bootie" - footwear that fails at being either a boot or a pump, but succeeds at being damn ugly. But the dress on its own, with your hand covering up those parts of the screen that offend the soul, it is sweet as can be, with its smocking around the neck and waist, and its fiber of completely indeterminate origin. $60.

Not Your Grandma's House Dress

I think I know why this dress is $24.99 - a less-than-clever copy writer has included the phrase "house dress silhouette" in its description, and all interested shoppers couldn't click the back button fast enough.

My grandmother's housedress, which she spent my entire childhood in, was a red, orange and yellow striped cotton smock, with snaps down the front. Thoughtfully coordinated yellow granny panties peaked out the bottom (now that copy writer got the description correct). This dress is considerably more adorable, and there is relatively little chance of your undies hanging out the bottom - always a plus in any clothing purchase.

¿Mas Ombre? Si, Mas Ombre

(How awesome am I for including that upside down question mark?)

How hard do we work to find luckier items for you? So hard that we found you two luckier items named Ombre. That's how hard we work for you. Can't you just see this paired with tall black boots? $47 if you use the online code 8LZEMP or print this coupon below and take it to Lucky. While you're there, try to find out what gives their stores that peculiar aroma, ok? Gracias.

Dana, Caldor, Evan Picone - Where Are You Now?

I am so sure that Dana Kahan had this exact outfit in 7th grade. You read that right, not Donna Karan, Dana Kahan. In my class of five girls Dana, not unlike Rachel Zoe, was a self-appointed arbiter of taste. And, like Rachel (and Donna), she was Jewish (see how I did it again?). Dana had the most awesome outfit ever for her Bat Mitzvah. Or at least she thought so, and she was so convincing, that we, her classmates, really had no choice but to agree. She wore a gray suit, a pink oxford, and a grey, pink and yellow argyle vest with coordinating tie, all of which she got in Manhattan at Bloomingdale's. OK, and gray suede shoes and grey Evan Picone stockings. Ribbed. Ask me what I wore. I have no idea.

Anyway, I just know she also had this dress in junior high. And I am so happy to have it back. Love it! And it's $22.99! I don't know who the Gap is kidding when it talks about its "European Collection" (I can wear it when I eat a chocolate croissant?) or refers to their European sizing conventions, but if it means the dress is under $23, c'est la vie. Or joie de vive. Chocolate croissant.

Danaa also had a pair of shoes very much like the ones featured here. They had a big giant wooden heels, like this pair, only Dana's shoes featured a wooden wedge with a carved out triangular hole. I am fairly certain they came from Caldor's. Ah, Caldor's we miss you so. Like Target, only, you know, without the tasteful design. Remember its so awesome logo? Does anything convey the beauty and joy that is a rainbow as well as 3 arcs in pretty much the same dirty color? Alas, no. Even the Target logo that entrances me with its pure red hypnotic bull's eye, just cannot compare.

Prevent a Tragedy, Please

A ways back we alerted you to Steve and Barry's new univeral price of $8.98. Adorable top? $8.98. Basic blazer? $8.98. Elegant sundress? $8.98. Sweet shorts? $11.98. Just kidding, $8.98.

And you were grateful for this new pricing approach, we know you were. But did you demonstrate your gratitude by loading up for summer on Bitten tops and flowy dresses? Apparently not, because Steve and Barry's is filing for bankruptcy! We here take some of the blame since we have posted many deals at an assortment of other retailers, and you no doubt ran out an purchased those items instead. But we all must rally around Steve and Barry's and show our solidarity and appreciation for their luckier approach to retailing, for making chic, stylish items available at prices that leave enough money in your wallet for necessities, like cupcakes or tasti-d-lite.

Take a stand for luckier chicks everywhere and go get yourself this adorable dress (that you can surely wear into fall). It's win-win! In addition to the great dress and the change for your ten dollar bill, you will get a strong feeling of civic accomplishment.

A for Effort

I love the letter A. In college, I got straight A's. My name is made up of 50% A's. I always wear a little diamond "A" necklace (well, except for right now. It doesn't really go with the halter neckline of the dress I'm wearing). You might even call me Type-A. (Though, sadly, my blood type is actually AB.)

In keeping with my passion for the letter, I also love A-line. Really, that silhouette is just magic. In an A-line dress, I am sooo much skinnier than I would be in something like jeans. For example, if clothing sizes were ages, an A-line dress that would still be considered a toddler miraculously fits over an ass that would be old enough to drive. Or buy alcoholic beverages. Or retire.

And of course, the only thing better than an A-line dress is an A-line dress on sale. And I got this cute one (in blue, with removable straps!) marked down to $35 at Esprit last week. The only bad thing is that it's still the original price on their web site, so if you want to save, you'll have to actually get up off your butt and go to the store. But on the bright side, all that exercise could help bring it down to voting age.