You Can't Always Get What You Want

These $30 knee-high boots are calling to me. "Jayn, won't you take us in? We have never had a real home to call our own. And we just know we would love it with you With all the other boots you have already taken in, every day would be like a party!"

But, alas, I must respond, "O, beautiful, brown boots of a height I do not yet possess, I just cannot take you in. I have sworn an oath to leave space in my room for a bed."





Being so cruel to those innocent, and inexpensive, boots has left me feeling like a true bitch. Which is to say, I feel like myself. And so I very much want to welcome this $15 'Bitch is the New Black' shirt to my overcrowded middle drawer. Except the two family members in their formative years can both read, and will without a doubt shout the text on this shirt far and wide, causing Child Services to remove them from my custody. And as much as that would provide me with a well-deserved break, the whole episode would, in the end, cost me dearly child in psychologist fees. And so I leave this item behind as well.

Chain Gang

It feels like all I do lately is work. Well, there has been some cookie-eating, especially yesterday. And it would be a baldfaced lie to claim there was no hot chocolate-drinking. And, of course, there is the diet coke-drinking, but that is more of an intravenous drip and less of an activity.

To mark my constant feeling that I am a prisoner on a chain gang, I am considering these $50 boots. The connection is a bit of a stretch, I know, but when I work so hard, I feel I deserve gifts. And who best knows what those gifts should be? I do, I do!

Fear of a Blue Jacket

Everyone has irrational fears. Well, everyone else has irrational fears - mine are all entirely reasonable. Wearing patterns: what am I a clown? Loose teeth: OMG, too scary to even contemplate. Speaking in front of large groups: I might get ridiculed by a significant partner, after presenting at a meeting of firm leaders, who claimed I was reading too much off my notes, hypothetically of course. Lastly, blue: what shoes do you wear, can you wear jeans, what matches it - help me!!

If you are immune to the terror that is the color blue, you should purchase this $17.50 jacket. It comes in both Scary Blue and Blue Fright. Take your pick, just leave me out of it.

Scarf it down

We get it, Winter. You've been feeling a little overlooked, what with all the talk about global warming, and you just want to remind us all you're still here. Well, let me assure you that with the third blizzard, you really got your point across. We remember you. You can stop now.

But just in case you don't, I've shelled out $3 bucks for this scarf.

Shoe Me the Money

I may have mentioned this before, but periodically Amanda needs to remind me that I am not, in fact, Sheryl Crow. You would think the lack of royalty checks would tip me off. I'm not that clever. But clever enough to find these for $35.

Title with Vest Pun

One day last week I watched the Today show - well, I watched the Today show every day last week, and every day of the last 26,000 weeks as well - and they did an instructional piece on layering. They took their usual somebody-please-give-me-a-sandwich model and put her in a reasonable top and, alas, leggings. Then they 'layered' roughly 73 other items on top, including a vest, a belt, a cardigan, a parka, a down vest, a hat and a reasonably small blue plastic child's chair. Oddly, by the end of the lesson, this 83 1/2 pound woman looked laughably puffy and wide. So much so that the show's host started to giggle. Thank you , Today Show; lesson learned!


That said, I think this little 'boyfriend' vest (does your actual boyfriend wear a vest with a shirred back panel?) over a tailored blouse and with a skinny belt would make an attractive ensemble - with actual pants of course.

Back in Black

That trip into the wide world of color was scary. Admittedly, both items were the same color... Nonetheless, I must retreat back to the warm comfort of black. Sometimes pairing it with the shocking contrast of gray, you know, when I am feeling full-on cuh-razy.


This dress at Esprit.com's incredibly painful-to-use site is only $17.50 with their 30% off coupon.