Gift Me

It is my birthday month (yes, I get a whole month, I am just that awesome), and all my good friends are helping me celebrate! My pal Mr. Loehmann, my buddy Ms. Sephora, the friendly Mr. B. Republic and my new BFF, Dr. Antrhopologie.

OK, I do have actual human friends and family and they may remember my birthday, but they typically do not offer me a set of lip glosses, $15 of free merchandise, or clothing at an additional 15% off. Or this awesome glazed leather bag for $85, courtesy of my aforementioned BFF. Of course, a true BFF would figure out just where I am supposed to store all these bags. And she would not say, "wherever the frick you're gonna store all those boots, you boot-n-bag-crazy fool." Becuase that is not a nice way to talk to the birthday girl.

Only a Hobo...

... and only $20. (Plus, it gave me the opportunity to reference vintage Rod Stewart.)
The bag comes in blue and beige, but obviously black is the way to go. I mean, blue? What am I? A clown?
And now Amanda is now thinking, "If you only were - then you could entertain at bat mitzvahs."

Elementally Fringed

Am I really supposed to pass this up? It's fringed, it's Jack Black, and it's $16.99. Folks, I am not made of stone (unlike a certain hateful, ubiquitous, blood-sucking immortal).

The Bag Not Taken

If I didn't just buy an awesome bag I didn't need at Verve (a new favorite store!), I would have bought this corduroy baby for$34 with my 25% off coupon. I was nearly persuaded by the Gap salesperson (who is about to retire, after 20 years, with a pension - did you know Gap salespeople got pensions?), but unfortunately for her, the persuasive Verve salesperson got to me first (hi, Lori!). The bag has a very east parking lot/burnout kind of thing going on. I mean, I am sure there is a pocket perfect for cigarettes and another for coal black eyeliner.

Weave Me the Sunshine

Good news! It's rainy and cool again here! Honestly, if I wanted to live somewhere where there's only one season, I would live in Southern California (I will not say SoCal), where there is one warm season and I could bask in the sunshine every day. And also see firsthand whether the women there really look they they do on E!-type TV shows (which I don't watch - especially not "Keeping Up with the Kardashians," "Tori & Dean," or "Kendra"), like a completely different, evolutionarily divergent species.


Until I make that move, and get the requisite injections and surgeries, here is a great water-resilient bag, for $27. Trust me, in person it is not nearly so shiny and the woven front and substantial brass hardware make it look really expensive. Like you could afford to shop at Dash or go to Dr. Reyes when you finally make the big move west. Give my love to Liam and Stella.

Totes Obvi

Like Amanda, I believe it is not possible to have too many tote bags. If and when a radio dj (do we still have those? a podcast host?) calls me and offers me a cool mil if I can pack all my belongings into inexpensive tote bags, I will be prepared. But, just to be sure, I probably need to buy this $17 one, reminiscent of a Coach bag I have been visiting.

Blue Light Special

Even though I know that it is wrong, and I'm supposed to hate them for being an evil corporate empire out to take over the world, I openly admit to loving Wal-Mart. I grew up in the suburbs, in a small city that boasted not 1 but 2 Super-Wal-Marts. In college, going to Wal-Mart was something of a social event -- you were always sure to see someone you knew -- and I went at least once, if not twice, a day.

But then I moved to NYC, and there is no Wal-Mart here. There is a K-Mart (multiple K-Marts, in fact), but I was always skeptical.

Until yesterday. During a quick trip to K-Mart to pick up some Ziploc sandwich bags, I was on my way to check out the nail polish selection (a favorite hobby; I can never have too many colors), I espied this tote. I think it's adorable in a late-80s, neon graffiti way, and it's such a great size and shape -- really convenient for carrying stuff to and from work, and could possibly even fit a laptop.

And aren't you in luck -- while I had to pay full price ($16.99), it's on sale on the web site for $11.89! Barely more than my box of Ziplocs.

On a Li'l Mission

At Amanda's college they have sororities and wear slutty nighties to pajama parties. At my college we have little sisters and we hand down our big wooden hoops to them. My little sister Susie, known to me as li'l since the day we met, is a on a quest for a black leather shoulder bag for around $50. And as all I really ever did for her was give her a big wooden hoop, I kind of do owe her. So here's what I've located so far:

$40, PVC

$39, leather-look

$70, leatha

$50, leatha

And the obvious choice…$30, hemp

Buy the Bag, Save the Economy

I love this $60 leather bag. It has that fold-over look that's big this year, and kind of a western, rock aesthetic. But it's best feature is that it is a clutch. When you are clutching this bag, you can't buy shopping bags full of merchandise, since you pretty much need your whole hand to hang on to this bag. So it will prevent you from shopping and save you money.

Oh. You could put this bag in one of the shopping bags. In that case, the clutch does not hinder you from stimulating the economy. Buy it in all its Keynesian glory.

All Weather Pleather

The snow/sleet/freezing rain misery has begun and should continue for the next several days. And with my walk to my office, as I have already mentioned, being overly long and unbearably weather-y, of course my first thought is how I will protect my nice purse from the precipitation. Here's how - I will buy this lovely $10 bag, made of "supple faux leather," and wear it instead. It actually looks a lot like a Miu Miu bag I have admired, although I would imagine that anyone who spent the money to buy the Miu Miu would strongly disagree.

Also, I must admit that I am a little concerned that the bag will "add uptown sensibility," as its copy promises, since I myself am always trying to add downtown sensibility. Maybe together we'll end up somewhere in midtown - say, 50th Street?

In the Bag

I don't know if it's a city thing or a chick thing, but regardless, we carry our life in our bags around here. Just on an average day, I need my keys, wallet, sunglasses, cell phone, iPod, a pair of shoes to change into at work, a book to read on the train (thank God Harry Potter stopped at 7 because I could not lug another one of those behemoths around), a magazine in case I finish the book, a jacket or cardigan for when it gets cold at work, my planner (some of us don't want a Blackberry), assorted bills and envelopes that I need to forget to take care of and carry around for 2 weeks, an umbrella for when it unexpectedly starts to rain this afternoon (tell me again why I bother listening to Weather on the 1s?), snacks, a bottle of seltzer, a selection of no fewer than 4 lip glosses, and extra space to hide purchases made during the day from the eyes of coworkers who may or may not be under the mistaken impression that I was at an off-site meeting for the past two hours. And that's just the basics! It doesn't count the extras I'd have to pack if I'm planning on going out or to the gym after work (in the latter case, I would need a raincoat to protect myself from the droppings of flying pigs).

All those necessities require a big bag. Make that a BIG bag. Which is why I am in love with this one. It's freaking huge. I'm pretty sure I saw guys looking at me on the subway this morning wondering if I had a person in there. (Bonus for Upper West Siders! You can put your children in it!) But all the chicks were totally like, "OMG where do I get me one of those?" Trust me, I could see it in their eyes.

The best part of this bag is that it does its best to mitigate any additional back pain caused by carrying the contents of a mid-sized apartment around with you everywhere, which is a bonus if you're like me and don't have a massage therapist on retainer yet. Two crucial features: a) it is lightweight and therefore doesn't add to the lbs you're carrying around, and b) it is worn across the body, thus balancing the weight on both shoulders so you don't wind up with one higher than the other (as my acupuncturist likes to tell me I have).

Actually, that might just be the second best part. The real best part? It's $12.50! And it will totally fit all of the other purchases you can therefore justify making.

Someone Get On This

When I showed this bag to Amanda she said, "surely you have that already." And I don't. But I should, by all rights. Who do I speak to about that??

Only $34.50.

Beach Bag Bargain

I already told you how much I love day at the park while everybody else is at work. Well, you know what's even better than that? No? Well, allow me tell you. A day at the beach while everyone else is at work (and, let's be honest, in day camp). This week I got to go with two of my close friends, and while everyone else I know was creating spreadsheets analyzing sales and projecting revenue, we were parking our asses on the sand, and in my case, getting burned to a crisp.

Now the one downside of a trip to the beach (aside from the chronic pain I suffer from the sunburn mentioned above) is that you bring the beach home with you. I don't mean the relaxed feeling of the beach, or the scent of the ocean, but the beach itself. It's pretty much two weeks of the Dustbuster going 24/7 until I can walk around barefoot in my own home. What could prevent this tragic occurrence, which, let's be honest here, is no doubt contributing to beach erosion? A nice, new loosely woven bag that lets you sift the sand out at the beach. Or, if you forgot to, and no one is looking, in the lobby of your building. And this one's only $7!

Julius M. Schaeffer and Yetta

First I found this Simply Vera bag. Yes, it's not leather - but that's perfect for summer. You take it to the beach, you drip ice cream on it, you get caught in a sudden thunder storm - and you wipe it and go. And you can't tell, but it's plum, a nice change of pace! I was already digging this bag when I read the name - Ombre. Now I have no idea why anyone would name this bag "Ombre", but is there anywhere out there who can say or read "Ombre" without doing it in the same cadence and voice of Joey's perfume-sprayer nemesis? And doesn't just saying "Ombre" that way make you feel so happy? Having this $53 bag will guarantee you chronic long term happiness.





So, I thought I was done with Kohl's site - and then I saw this bee-yoo-tee-ful, to quote my Aunt Yetta, Simply Vera dress. In fact, this $39 dress is the antithesis of the white, polyester double knit, Florida retiree slacks Florida retiree Aunt Yetta favored - it is sleek and sexy and it glitters. It is not something you would wear to buy chickens at Oriole Kosher. You must click on this link and then view the incredibly gorgeous sequined razorback. Only problem is the website has only size 12 available. Which sucks if that is not your size. Then you have to go into Kohl's in person and be incredibly put off by their checkout counters that are more Safeway than Saks (think conveyor belt). Now there's a setup Aunt Yetta would really have dug. And she'd buy the Ombre bag - it's roomy enough for all the sweet'n'low packets she'd swipe at lunch in the clubhouse.